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Sunday, 09 October 2011

Food Poisoning

Today cause last night I thought it would be a good idea to eat (REALLY) pink steak. It was sooooo good though. I have no self control at all.

I am so tired right now, even after bingeing on about 7 different types of chips/crackers last night. I had work 6 hours yesterday, 4 today. Good tips, despite the weather getting colder. People still need their ice cream lol.

Ummm and I've started purging :/ Kept it a secret from my bf as long as I could. Finally fessed up last night. He was pretty mad, but he still loves me and all. Just wants me to be happy, healthy, and better.

I got down to 123.0 before my binge. Too afraid to look right now. I'll look after the food poisoning has passed!

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Bout time

So, I pretty much binged for a few months straight... Went to the gym Monday, today (Tuesday), and walked/climbed a bunch of stairs...and worked. I burned 125 Monday, 150 today. That was just on machines. I walked around a park for about 30 minutes. There's a huuuge hill... I tried several times to count the number of steps, but there were so many, I kept losing count. Just take my word that it's a big freaking hill. My shins are killing me. I had net -36 yesterday before a mini binge (ugh, ate too many diff things to remember, not too much of anything though) and +203 today. Not bad, if I do say so myself! My goal is to go to the gym everyday for the rest of my life. Not a big goal or anything haha :) I just want to work out until I almost die. Or throw up or pass out anyway. Oh, and I've been taking Lipo 6 for her. Diet pill for energy that I don't have anymore. I'm constantly nauseous, but that could be from doubling up on my antidepressant like my doctor ordered (I'm on citalopram aka celexa). I go back in a couple weeks to say whether it works or not.

Not much else new. I'm scared to get on the scale, cause I don't wanna see the number. Not yet. Not until it's a happy number :)

Monday, 19 September 2011

HW for Week 4

Monday (writing/art): Draw your biggest fear. Post it if you can.

I'm not the best artist, so I used an app instead! iFat! It shows a picture of me with a huuuge double chin. Becoming fat is definitely my biggest fear and will happen inevitably if I don't get my binge eating under control.

Tuesday (nature): Climb to the top of a tree and take a picture of the view.

All of my trees around my house are tall pines... I searched for years through my three acres of land for an amazing climbing tree. I really had a thing about climbing trees when I was little. There is not one that is capable of being climbed :( However, my old cat easily went up 30 feet into a tree! I have pictures of her on my old computer, I have to find them! It's the funniest thing, a little orange cat stranded in a tree! She stayed up for 13 days once! She did it about 9 separate times, for about a week each time. The first time, my mom paid a guy 150 bucks to "bring" her down....He climbed the tree with the special boots and swatted her down! She fell down all that way! She landed on her feet though, typical cat :) She ended up running away.

Wednesday (self-expression): http://www.learningtoloveyoumore.com/reports/70/70.php.Say goodbye. Read the description in the link.

Thursday (destruction): Search through the Anarchist's Cookbook and read any of the articles. Give me a brief summary on what you learned (extra credit for actually going through with it). http://www.scribd.com/doc/387846/The-Anarchist-Cook-Book

Number 48: Ripping off change machines

Next time I see a change machine I WILL TRY THIS!!! You have to make a small tear in the bill in a certain location and you get the dollar bill and the change, if you do it right! I want to read all of these haha. Except the bomb ones. I don't need to make a bomb!

Friday (media): Share your favorite website. What is it? Why do you like it?

Saturday (self-help): Write a letter to the mayor of your town, describing something they could do to make your life slightly more enjoyable. Extra credit for mailing it out.

Sunday (homework): Submit homework. (Each week’s homework should be on one xanga weblog entry. Please do not post 6 different entries for each day of the week. It’s okay if your weblog post is really long, just link the URL. You will have a total of 4 weblog entries to submit by the end of the semester).

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

HW for Week 3

Tuesday (nature): find a place outside to rest in for 10+ minutes. Lay in the grass, climb a tree, sit on a hill, swim in a lake.

Oooo that sounds great! Too bad I had work all day, class all night :( I'll aim for it tomorrow and post!

Wednesday (self-expression): Take a day of silence. I understand that there might be situations today where you HAVE to speak, but don't when it's not absolutely necessary. Find other ways to express yourself (though writing, facial expressions, body language, etc. Inform others of your challenge)

I have an oral test in French! I don't think that would go down so well lol. I am an overtalker and rant about everything, if I stopped talking people would be seriously worried! :(

Thursday (destruction): Today, break something violently.

I broke waffle bowls violently! MUAHAHAHA

Friday (media): Post an excessive amount of photos of your favorite model. Critique her/him. Point out their flaws and list what would make them better.

SHE HAS ARMPIT FAT LIKE MEEE! I'm human!

http://www.maggiesnotebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Mila_Kunis_25.jpg

I spot a blemish!

http://milakunisgallery.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Mila-Kunis-in-2008.jpg

I have bonier clavicles than she does!

http://hippa-kacho.blogspot.com/2011/05/mila-kunis.html

She could have smaller thighs.

http://www.jakefinnegan.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/mila_kunis.jpg

Can you tell how much I judge people on a regular basis? All of this goes through my mind the SECOND I meet someone!! Haaa.

Saturday (self-help): Visit http://www.themeditationpodcast.com/episodes.html?ep=7 and do the episode 7 meditation (Your Sacred Space) and then explain what your sacred space is like.

I love my room. As you can see in my vlogs, it's a beautiful blue color, so I relax the second I walk in. I've also heard having a blue room can be depressing, but I need calming down most of the time, it's worth it. I'm an anxious person, so it's good to be in a calm place!

Sunday (homework): Submit homework. (Each week’s homework should be on one xanga weblog entry. Please do not post 6 different entries for each day of the week. It’s okay if your weblog post is really long, just link the URL. You will have a total of 4 weblog entries to submit by the end of the semester).
Food Diary (Week 3 for UFS)

I've been a bit better lately. I'll have 2 slimfasts in the morning that keeps me from bingeing as much. I've also been getting piercings like crazy. I got the 2 microdermals beneath my clavicles last weekend and got an industrial yesterday! Getting pierced keeps my mind off all my stress and eating. My mom says I can't get any more until January, but I don't really have any intention of keeping that promise! The locations will be more secretive now! Lmao.

I think I'm going to keep this as more of a general diary about food, not necessarily tracking every calorie... I'm getting better about what I eat. Beef jerky is giving me much needed iron (Keep getting rejected! Last time it was so low, the machine couldn't read it!). It has 80 calories per 1 oz serving, 3 per box. Only 1.5 g of fat per serving, but it's good fat! .5 is saturated (per serving). Fills me up, too! I also bought 100% fruit juice (no more hfcs crap! lmao). And yes, I bought a bunch of ramen. RAMEN IS MY DOWNFALL, DON'T YOU JUDGE ME! It's so easy to make! I mean the microwave ones haha, boiling water is waaay too much cooking for me! I've also discovered hard boiled eggs at Walmart. 2 bucks for 6 of em! Protein yay!

I'm going to at least start bingeing on healthier things, like pears.